When Cheating Rears its Ugly Head
When cheating rears its ugly head in a relationship, it may be a symptom of an underlying problem and not the problem itself. That’s why most marriages and relationships nowadays survive infidelity, because infidelity is no longer seen as a betrayal.
Cheating happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes one of the parties is not ready for a serious long term relationship. Other times there may be an underlying psychological problem like sex addiction, or a propensity to self-sabotage. Often, when the latter happens, it happens out of fear screwing up the relationship. Ironically, people screw up relationships because they’re afraid to screw up relationships. It makes no sense to those who have to deal with cheating partners, but self-sabotage is a very real phenomenon and it happens frequently by folks who have unnaturally low opinions of themselves.
So a lot of times cheating is forgivable. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t have a lot of dating experience, then you should expect that they’re going to want to go out there and see what else life has to offer them. If you’re dating someone who has a propensity for self-sabotage, you can expect that if things get too serious they’re going to find a way to try and screw it up. If you love them, don’t let them.
Sometimes it happens that one partner in a relationship finds themselves in a monogamous relationship when they’re not really well suited for that kind of relationship. They would instead prefer to have multiple lovers or keep their options open and casual. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with this, but you have to ask yourself if that’s something that you want for yourself. If not then you should let them go be who they are and enjoy their life while you find a partner who fits your needs.
Infidelity and Your Relationship
If fidelity and monogamy are a big deal to you and they cheated you need to ask yourself if you can handle the fact that they might cheat again. If the reason they cheated wasn’t purely situational, like you guys had a huge fight and weren’t talking and they hooked up with someone else, or you had become emotionally distant, then you might want to consider the probability that they will cheat again.
Is it Possible to Have a Relationship After an Affair?
The better question is: is it possible for you to be ok with the relationship after the affair. If it feels like the relationship will never go back to the way it was and the whole thing is ruined forever, then you need to think about moving forward. Relationships are difficult because too frequently people don’t want the same things from them. When you find someone who wants the same things as you, you’ll be a lot happier.
Fixing the Relationship After Cheating
If the cheating is forgivable then you need to move forward honestly with your partner. That means you being honest about your needs and them being honest about theirs. If they cheated on you and that hurt you, then you don’t want to be in a position where you’re second guessing everything they say about where they were or what they did last night. If this is the case, your relationship may not be fixable.
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